


your timing was all wrong

by 25postcards



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Drabble, Gen, M/M, POV Second Person, Pining, Unrequited, a thinly veiled devotional
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2015-07-13
Packaged: 2018-04-09 01:49:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4329162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/25postcards/pseuds/25postcards
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>you're from bradford, you think batman is sick and you're in love with liam payne.</p>
            </blockquote>





	your timing was all wrong

you thought being in love would feel different. maybe you've just gotten used to it, being in love coming as naturally to you as singing or eating or breathing. it's just a fact of life, really. being in love with liam. you're in a band called one direction (were. you have to correct yourself, sometimes). you're from bradford, you think batman is sick and you're in love with liam payne. have been since the first moment liam quietly orbited to your side in the bungalow, came up fast and squinted his eyes till they got so small and said to you in that shy way of his (because everything back then with liam was quiet and soft and hesitant. he needed to prove himself every time he spoke). he said, "you know, i think you're my best mate in the band." and you simply thought, _'you're my best mate and i am quite in love with you.'_

but you moved on with it, the feeling wedged between your fifth and sixth rib.

sometimes it feels confusing, because he could love you back. he touches you, so softly, reassuring hand on the back of your neck that you close your eyes to. the world goes quiet when he touches you like that- just the two of you and nothing else.

you feel your heart expanding each time he brushes his thumb to your eyelashes and leans in too close. his hand feels big on your waist line, like an ocean you drown in.

he let you draw on him. pretended to be drunk and you think to yourself, this is not what friends do.

he let you kiss him (and he kissed back) and you think, this is not what friends do.

you sort of have a dog together, and you think this is not what friends do.

it's hard to read between the lines, when everything is blurred. when you look up his face and think, 'you are so very precious to me.' words like 'jaan' bubble up in the back of your throat when you never thought they could exist for you like that. he could love you back, so easily. you think he does, viciously you think so when he clenches up every time your engagement is brought up and he kisses you hard and claiming after.

you don't regret it (leaving) but nothing ever feels as right to you as sliding your hand to the nape of liam's neck and that's what scares you. that there is no one else for you but him, but he is made for others. so you convince yourself it is enough to be by his side. you convinced yourself for four years that it was enough. that every time you kissed him he would kiss back (and he let you fuck him and he fucked you) and he still said, "i care about you so much, zayn. and i love you, you know that but-"

_but._

**Author's Note:**

> tbh this was a jumbled, incoherent mess and unbeta'd so


End file.
